This year instead of setting any goals on paper I have thought long and hard about what the most important thing for me to be working on right now in my life. It wasn't hard to know where I need to change the most. I make a lot of excuses. Excuses for everything in my life. It's a practice I have perfected over many years but was not aware of until I met my husband and he kindly pointed it out.
Some of examples of recent excuses (without revealing too many of my flaws) include:
I can't teach Antalya proper manners and behavior because her language skills are not good enough to understand me.
I can't take dinner to so-and-so who could really use it because they probably wouldn't like what I cooked.
It's alright if I loose my patience with my husband - after all I'm pregnant, tired, and sick.
I would read my scriptures, but it is so late and I'm so tired that I wouldn't get anything out of it anyways.
I could go on-and-on. But my point is it's become so easy for me to rationalize my behavior because "after-all it's not my fault or it is out of my control." And I've noticed that being pregnant has only magnified this tendency of mine. I'm tired of making excuses.
I've decided it is time for a change - but a real change, not just a change for a week until I forget my New Year's resolution. So instead of making a detailed list of all the things I want to have changed by the end of the year I have simplified it and decided that "Today I will do better!" Every morning I wake up with the goal to be kind and patient all day long and not let myself make excuses. I've noticed that some days I go to bed feeling like I didn't do very good, but that only helps motivate me to do better the next day. I'm hoping that after so many days of reminding myself that soon I will have changed my nature and won't need the daily reminders - I will have become the optimistic, kind, patient person I so long to be.
Wish me luck for today!