Thursday, October 29, 2009

Moments

When Antalya was born I was convinced that coming to terms with the fact that she had Down syndrome would be a single event. That one day I would wake up and it would no longer be an issue, that I wouldn't wonder what she would be like if she didn't have an extra chromosome. These past three years have taught me that it's not quite that black and white. Every new phase presents a new coming to terms with the struggles she and I face. With the birth of Victoria and the move across the ocean we entered a new phase. I'd be lying if I didn't say it has been a very difficult one.

Most days I find myself wondering how many different ways of communicating "no" it will take before Antalya understands. Or wishing I could just understand her attempts at speech to prevent the tantrums. Every day seems to be a replay of the previous - trying to correct the same bad behaviors, trying to explain the same things. It's hard to not look at other three year olds and wonder what it would be like if Antalya could talk in sentences, if she could tell me how she felt, if I could explain and reason with her.

But then I have moments where none of that matters. Moments that I am overcome with her purity and innocence. And I am reminded that she was sent her to teach me to be more patient, more kind, more loving. To teach me to live more in the moment and not be so concerned about everything else. Moments that I see my daughter for who she is and all she is capable of. In these moments all the frustration melts away and I just want to hold her in my arms.
fairy

9 comments:

Layla said...

She is beautiful. Thanks for your help with getting around London. I'm sad I didn't have a chance to see you!

kbhull said...

SHE IS PRECIOUS!!!

Linnea said...

The picture is magical. How ironic that Rebecca, Amy, Julia, and Marilee are all being little fairies this year for Halloween. Is it a Cardon thing?

Sheridan said...

What a beautiful girl! I love that picture. And what a beautiful post! You have such a way with words. -- I just bought a brownie mix today - sure wish I could bring it over and bake with you.

Jan said...

I LOVE THAT PICTURE of your magical little fairy! She's so adorable . . . .She obviously LOVES her fairy costume and I'm so glad it arrived before Trick or Treating time. Take more pictures, K?

Sonja said...

I love it when I can read a post and hear the author's voice in my mind because it's written so clearly, honestly and from the heart. Thanks for reaching out to us Sunny. Hopefully you can feel my arms stretching all the way across the pond over to give you a hug. Can you feel it? Good.

Gosh, your pictures are BEAUTIful. I love your new blog layout. I LOVE love love that picture of Antalya on your header. You go girl.

Sonja said...

ps. I love the clothe-less barbie. That's how all ours are too. :)

Michelle said...

what a beautifully written post. I think we all have days where we just struggle with everything there is about being a mom...but then there are those moments that just take our breath away and makes it all worthwhile.

LOVE the picture too - she is a beauty!

Adam, Jaci, Grant and Grace said...

what an angel! I think that picture is so awesome. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings...I always love to read what other mother's are feeling. It makes me wonder what my journey will help me learn. Take care!