Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Breathe It In

I have been feeling a certain calmness entering my life lately. I'm not quite sure when it began. I think it's been sneaking up on me for several weeks now, yet it still has caught me by surprise. It's not that I'm not normally a calm person - before the upheaval of 7 months ago - I would've listed "calm" as one of my character traits. In fact it used to be that it took quite a bit to get me riled up. But somehow amidst all the changes that entered my life several months ago, I was changed. Call it what you may - I'd like to blame it on stress, lack of sleep, and postpartum depression, but whatever it was - it wasn't me. There were weeks on end where every minute felt like an hour, and every hour felt like a day. And I wondered when things would get easier.

Well, like all things in life - the only thing constant is change - and change has come. It hit me one day last week after the girls and I ate lunch. Antalya was happily watching Sesame Street, Victoria was happily playing with some toys on the floor, and I was thinking of all the things I needed to get done during nap time. The girls were so content, I thought I would run into the kitchen and get lunch cleaned up. One thing led to another, and before I knew it I had done the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floor, and thrown a load of laundry in. And when I returned I was surprised to find that Antalya hadn't poked any eyes out, or smothered her sister with blankets. There were no crayon marks on the couch, nothing broken, nothing out of place. There was no knot in my stomach wondering how we were going to make it through the day. In fact, all three of us had smiles on our faces - true smiles. Not the grin and bear it smile, but smiles of genuine happiness.

And there was a calmness in the air. And I breathed it in.

And I can honestly say, Life has never been better! Maybe this is just the calm before another whirlwind of changes. But for however long it last - I will soak it up, smother my girls with happiness, and find a way to bottle the excess so I have a reserve for whatever life throws at us next.

Which might be sooner rather than later.

On the docket for this afternoon is a train ride to a much dreaded annual eye exam for this goof
I'm soloing it with both girls. Wish me luck :)


Matthews Family said...

Sunny, that was such a wonderful post that I really enjoyed reading. I am glad you are doing better with all of life's changes.

Sonja said...

One of the most beautiful posts I've read. Ever.

Good luck at the doctor's!

Jeana said...

So glad that things are calm and wonderful! Can't wait till I return to that bliss, but for now I'll just keep using up the reserve I have from the last 4 months at home with my sweetie. How's the running going?

Bunsy said...

I hope your solo adventure went well. I'm sure you're back home by now and it all went fine. When are you going home for the summer?